Fading
by BelikovsRoza1697
Summary: Rose discovers she's pregnant by Dimitri and is moved away from the academy to have the first dhampir-dhampir baby. Still having to juggle Lissa's problems and Dimitri's distrust of her, how will Rose cope? Please read and review! Thanks!
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! I've had quite a substantial break from and I've put my other story **_**Friends Never Say Goodbye**_** on hiatus for now. However, I am starting this new story: Fading. I'll be sure to update a lot quicker and my chapters are longer too, so please read and review! Thank you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy; it all belongs to the fabulous Richelle Mead.**

**BelikovsRoza1697**

Chapter One

I rolled over and slammed my hand on the snooze button of my alarm. I'd had trouble sleeping the previous night and the last thing I needed was the incessant ringing of the bell in the infernal machine on my dressing table. I slowly opened my eyes, yawned and groaned, moving my limbs and wincing at the clicks my joints made. I sat staring out of the window, the moon shining brightly. I must've forgotten to close the curtains last night, why was that? I frowned and walked over, looking at the people milling around below on campus, staying well away from the wards in the forests-

Aha.

That was it. I'd returned to my dormitory after leaving practise and gone to the window to close it, when I saw Tasha Ozera making her way back to her room in the wards with none other than my personal god: Dimitri. Everything was flooding back now, broken curtain rail as I'd pulled on it too much in angst to cover the sight before my eyes. The matron was going to absolutely love me. This was the fourth thing I'd broken since my arrival back at the academy. I'd been back for around half a year now and those six months had been jam-packed with a hell of a lot of action.

Lissa, my best friend and bond mate, and I went on the run for two years after I was advised to bring her out of the academy for her safety. We'd lived in a handful of places, but Portland was where we were found by guardians. Lissa's a moroi, a vampire who wields one of five elements: water, fire, earth, air and spirit. She's a spirit user and she can heal people, even from the brink of death. She's also pretty awesome at compulsion, which is another thing moroi can do. Moroi are the one of three types of vampires in our world. Moroi are one of two of these types who have fangs and subsist on a mixture of blood and food, but mainly blood. Moroi use feeders to get blood. They're usually addicted to the bite of a moroi or strigoi, as their saliva contains endorphins which drive most people mad and dulls the pain of the bite.

There are two types of moroi too: royal and non-royal. There are twelve royal families: Badica, Conta, Dashkov, Dragomir, Drozdov, Ivashkov, Lazar, Ozera, Szelsky, Tarus, Voda and Zeklos. Lissa's a Dragomir and she's the very last one. That's pretty special and it gives her the title of Princess. The oldest of each family is the Prince/Princess. The queen on the throne at the moment is Queen Tatiana Ivashkov, so the oldest in the rest of her family is the Prince/Princess. Lissa's parents and brother were killed in a car crash, leaving her alone. I was in that car crash too, but she saved me from death with her powers.

She's doing pretty well and that's probably, in part, down to her boyfriend and fellow royal moroi, Christian Ozera. He's a fire user and a social outcast, because his parents willingly turned strigoi and were killed by his aunt, Tasha and guardians. Tasha recently came to live at the academy for a while to visit her nephew. She's been here for a while and, even though I like her immensely, I also can't help envying her. You see, her and Dimitri are really good friends and you can tell that she has the biggest crush on him. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't return it, but I can't help the clawing feeling inside my stomach whenever I see them together.

I'm another type: dhampir. Dhampirs usually take on the job of guardians, who protect the moroi with their lives. Dhampirs have a pretty good tolerance to sickness and are a lot more athletic than moroi, but we don't have elements. There are other dhampirs who don't become guardians however. Some of them end up as blood whores, who are basically prostitutes for moroi (and big sources of prey for strigoi) who are drunk from during sex. That's considered pretty low in society, as I found out after returning to the academy. I'd let Lissa drink from me when she needed blood while we were on the run and this was discovered when we returned.

The final type of vampire is strigoi, who are the enemy of the moroi and dhampir species. They have fangs, but they don't eat or sleep. They live on blood and prey on moroi and dhampir to stay alive. They either drain them to kill or swap blood with them to turn them strigoi too. Some moroi actually turn themselves strigoi by draining another moroi. Strigoi are what I'm trained to kill and the creed '_They come first_' always reminds me of that.

All the dhampirs at the academy are learning how to kill strigoi effectively and we have classes to help us. But since I missed a lot during my two years absence, I was assigned a mentor to fill me in on what I missed. And that was the moment I fell in love.

Dimitri Belikov is an amazing guardian who is famed for being both godlike and undefeatable. Despite this, he doesn't hang around the other guardians and sees them as nothing more than colleagues. I like to think that I'm one of his few real friends, but I know he doesn't count me as that. I'm pretty sure he counts me as more than that. It was about a month ago when Lissa's uncle, Victor Dashkov, kidnapped her and tried to force her to heal him from his terminal disease. He had these ideas about reshaping the moroi government by becoming king, but he knew he wouldn't make it to the next elections so he tried to get Lissa to use up all her power to heal him. She started after being emotionally blackmailed and tortured by his moroi guards, but she didn't get to finish as Dimitri, Christian and I managed to save her just in time. However, to get Dimitri and I out of the way while kidnapping her, he put a lust charm on us. We were pretty close to following it all the way through but Dimitri noticed the necklace Victor had bought me was causing our lust and he threw it out the window, cutting it off. Since then, our relationship has been on edge a lot. He denied returning my feelings for him, but after I pressed him, he finally admitted that he loved me, but knew we couldn't be together. There's a pretty big age gap between us: seven years. But from the way he looks at me, I'm pretty sure that's not the biggest thing he worries about. The reason for that is that we're both going to be guardians for Lissa when she graduates.

But I'm constantly reminded by my peers that it might not happen if I don't work hard. She's a high priority moroi and I'm determined to be the perfect guardian for her. I worry a lot about her, despite having a bond with her. That's another thing: when she saved me from death, a mental bond was forged between us and I can see what she's thinking and doing whenever I like. It doesn't work both ways though and I often see her getting it on with Christian, which is something I deeply resent.

Lissa doesn't worry about the same stuff that I do. She's free to live her life as she pleases, her only concerns being pleasing the queen to the best of her ability and making sure that she's safe. But that's a job a lot of other people do too, like me.

I washed and tied my hair up into a smart ponytail. I dressed in my usual changing clothes and jogged down to the gyms to meet my instructor.

Pushing open the thick wooden double-doors, I wandered in, the remainders of sleep making me a little dazed at the bright lights hanging down from the roof. I searched the room for Dimitri, running my sleepy eyes lazily over the punch bags and iron bars drilled into the walls for chin ups. I remember Mason and I trying to have a go at them when we were in elementary school; I'd been pretty good, but I'd let go accidentally and come crashing down onto the floor, ending up with five stitches to my head. The room actually seemed a lot bigger today and I realised that this was because Dimitri had cleared all the practise mats from the floor and opened up all the fire exit doors. I spotted a figure sitting on the floor, a cowboy duster draped on the floor beside him. I grinned and strolled over,

'Morning Comrade, what's with the redecoration?' I folded my arms and peered down at him. He was a stealthy 6'7'' and even sitting down, he was excessively tall. He was reading a book and upon closer inspection, it seemed to be written in Cyrillic, which made sense, seeing as his native language was Russian. He stood up with one fluid motion and looked around. His hair wasn't tied up today, so his chin-length brown locks moved as he surveyed the room.

'I don't know. There must be some sort of function this week. It was like this when I got here.' He shrugged and rested his book on a chair in the corner. Damnit, that was sure to mean an hour of boredom for the novices. The last one had been an interview with a guardian who continually fell asleep whenever Stan asked him questions. Though comical, it wasn't my idea of fun.

'Brilliant.' I rolled my eyes, gaining a small smile from Dimitri. I sat down on a free chair, 'Do you know when it's happening?'

'Nope, just a guess.' He smiled and dragged over another chair, sitting opposite me. I looked up and met his chocolate brown eyes; I kept my gaze steady despite feeling a blush colour my cheeks. It really was amazing how he could captivate me so. It wasn't often when I didn't think about him and I could tell it was the same for him. Around him, I could let go of any worries from the outside world and just revel in the ease of being with someone who understood me perfectly. I let my mind wander back to the evening of the lust charm, how his fingers ran over my skin, how the electricity ran through my veins when he kissed me, and how-

'Rose!' I looked up, ready for action, only to meet the Dimitri's grin. He rarely smiled and I was happy to see him do it today, even though it was at my own expense. I exhaled and straightened,

'What?'

'I _said_, you can miss practise today,' he smiled, 'You deserve a break.' He mirrored me, sitting up straight and retrieving his book from the chair next to him. I sighed exasperatedly, usually this would be something that I'd jump at, but I knew his ulterior motives. Ever since my friend, Mason, died after a strigoi attack, I'd been given the sympathetic look by every guardian who passed me. I had appreciated it for the first few days, but now it was getting ridiculous. Dimitri had also cut some of our practises to give me time to adjust; I wasn't happy about that either at first, but I had to admit the time off had given me the opportunity to recover from my first two strigoi kills and the loss of a good friend. Mason had also had a crush on me, which I had occasionally used to get information or help from him. The whole time I'd been attracted to Dimitri, so leading him on right up till his death made me feel pretty shit. Eddie had assured me that he would've died blissfully unaware, but now since I'd started seeing his ghost, I'd realised though he wasn't aware whilst alive, he certainly knew now.

That's another thing about me: because I'm shadow-kissed (revived from the dead by Lissa), it means I can see the ghosts of the dead. I think it's to do with some kind of half-connection with the land of the dead, but whatever it is, it causes me to see Mason.

'Dimitri, I told you. I'm okay now, I want to start practise again, and I want to get my routine back, it's better for me to heal this way.' I pleaded, placing my hand over the book and lowering it from his gaze.

'Rose… when I lost Ivan…' he paused. Ivan was his first charge and his best friend, but he was killed while Dimitri was off-shift. I could see the pain behind his eyes flash whenever he spoke of him and it pained me to have made him bring it up. '… It broke me. I needed a lot of time to recover. I understand that you want to busy yourself; I know it might cast the illusion that you'll feel better, but it really won't. You have to relax until you feel that you can move on. Can you move on yet?' he raised an eyebrow, knowing that he'd got me with that. Sighing, I shook my head,

'No… I guess not.' I said dejectedly.

'Exactly. Now accept this day off and have some fun.' He teased, gently moving my hand away.

'What will I do instead? I was hoping to practise… you've ruined my schedule, Comrade…' I muttered, annoyed. I stood and went to get my bag, trying to think up something to do with my free time. I couldn't get to sleep now; I'd been up too long. I turned as he spoke behind me,

'Schedule? When would you ever make a schedule?' after not receiving a reply, he paused and tried again, 'I have nothing to do either… I uhh… we could maybe…?' he questioned, even though I wasn't entirely sure what he was asking. I turned around, a smile playing on my lips,

'What's that?' I teased, watching him awkwardly run his hand through his hair.

'We could maybe… I don't know… do something?' Not quite a clear invitation but I still nodded, walking over. An hour, maybe more if he could get me out of class, of just Dimitri and me? I couldn't think of anything else better than that.

'Sure. What do you suggest?' he paused, before smiling to himself and taking my hand,

'Come with me.'

He took me to his room, walking next door to retrieve something from his wardrobe. I collapsed onto his bed, looking around. It hadn't changed since the night of the lust charm; he still had minimal furniture and decoration. Every room had the basics: bed, shower, one chair, television, computer, lamp, sink and toilet. Once the person moved into the room, it was up to them to decorate it how they chose. In my room, I had smuggled in some paint from art and set about trying to change my wallpaper to a more exciting colour than eggshell. I'd painted one wall blue, planning on continuing for the rest, but I ran out of paint. I had to resort to painting each wall a different colour so it would match. Of course, by 'match', I mean, look slightly better than all green walls and one blue one. I also used a noticeboard to pin photos of my friends and I. I had some special ones reserved for my bedside table though, for example, there was one of Lissa and I dressed for a Halloween party when we were about 13.

Dimitri's was completely different on the other hand. I moved from my resting place and wandered around the room. I was right: he had nothing but the basics. Had he even been in his room very much since he came here? The bathroom had towels and one of his shirts draped over the doorknob, but besides that, his room was set to default. I returned to the bed, lying down and leaning over to retrieve the thick brown folder from his bedside table. It was a file, which I supposed was the closest to a photograph that he could find. I wondered whose file it was; Tasha appeared in my mind and I glared, flicking open the first page. Hell, I'd rip it up and draw on her photo. I saw a pen on the side and grabbed it, picking up the photograph. Pressing the nib to her thick brown hair, I—

Hey, wait what? _Brown _hair?

I stopped and pulled back; that wasn't a picture of Tasha. That was a picture of me. I felt a blush rise to my cheeks; he kept my file by his bed. I took the opportunity to read through the comments by my teachers, laughing at the whole paragraph Stan dedicated to reviewing me. I was so engrossed by reading through the file that I declined to notice Dimitri return.

He stood in the doorway, watching me for a few moments, before I looked up and was cut off,

'Uhh… hey, Comrade, whatcha got there?' I smiled innocently, returning the file to his table. He rolled his eyes and planted a large cardboard box in front of me, sitting beside me. He tapped the lid,

'I know you want to get back to practising again. You'll find it easier to move on if you do what I did,' he smiled softly and removed the lid, pulling it towards him. I peered in and saw stacks of photos and other memorabilia, presumably from when he was at school. 'After Ivan died, I collected all the things that reminded me of him and I put them in here. It helped me to move on…' he said solemnly and I placed my hand over his. Mild surprise grabbed me when he didn't move away, but I realised we were away from the public eye; this time was our own. I shuffled closer to him and grinned as he wrapped his arm around my waist. I lived for these moments, just him and me, together. We didn't need to speak, our connection was strong enough and we didn't need words to express our love for one another. It was an established thing between us; we didn't need to constantly remind one another about it.

I was new to this feeling, but already it was conquering my mind. My previous jealousy towards Lissa and Christian's relationship had disappeared months ago. Ever since I realised that I was attracted to Dimitri, I became aware of feelings that had never been apparent to me before. It really was a miracle.

He'd meant the box to be a representation but I pulled it to me, pulling out the photographs and flicking through them. They had aged and some of the corners had been bent and worn away due to someone repeatedly looking through them. I ran my fingers over the top to clear away the dust that had gathered over time. Two faces were revealed and I immediately recognised Dimitri, his brown hair almost the same length as it was today; the other face must've been Ivan. He had short cropped black hair and bright green eyes and he was grinning at the camera. I flipped to the next one and saw that it was of Ivan and a girl who looked startlingly like Dimitri. She looked pretty young and Ivan was holding her up and grinning at her. Her hair and eyes were the exact same shade as Dimitri's and I realised that it must be one of his sisters. I turned to him,

'Who's this?' I asked softly, resting my head on his shoulder. He had been looking over anyway and answered, a degree of nostalgia in his voice,

'That's my youngest sister… Viktoria.' He took the photo from my hand and sighed. I knew he missed his family, especially seeing as they were on the other side of the world. He'd been away from them for at least a few years and I remember a similar reminiscent look to his features when he'd described how he'd saved them from his father many years ago. He returned it to the stack, searching through until he'd found another picture. He showed me and I took it, peering at all the figures in it. There were six people all gathered around a baby wrapped up in blankets. The baby had been caught mid-yawn and Ivan could be seen in the background, as enchanted as everyone else. I also recognised Viktoria again, along with three other women who all resembled Dimitri greatly. It was only after seeing them did I notice Dimitri standing with Ivan. He spoke up,

'My mother, my sisters Karolina, Sonya and Viktoria, me, Ivan and that's Karolina's son, Paul…' he informed, touching the face of each person as he said their name. I handed the photo back and smiled,

'You really miss them, don't you?' he nodded, looking down.

'Every day…' I lifted his chin up and pressed my lips to his. He returned the photos to the box and returned it to the room where it came from. I lay back against the headboard and leant against him when he returned, lying with me.

'Are you going to go back and visit them?' I asked, feeling a slight sense of worry nag at me. If he left, I'd have literally nothing to do but watch Lissa and Adrian practise spirit. Adrian Ivashkov was a moroi spirit user too and ever since he'd arrived at the school, in between flirting with me and making a mockery of the academy's strict code of conduct, he'd been sharing his knowledge of spirit with Lissa. Adrian could walk people's dreams and have a conversation with people in them. He could also read people's auras and tell what they are feeling. He's always telling me that I have too much black in mine: darkness. Darkness is the negative impact of Lissa using spirit. It affects her mood and makes her depressed, so naturally I take it from her through the bond so that she doesn't have to suffer its ill effects. Instead, it passes on to me and I have to deal with it. Dimitri's had a pretty good track record of calming me down whenever I've been in a spirit-induced tantrum and that's probably because he's so special to me.

'Not any time soon. I have my own family here for now.' He smiled and kissed my forehead. I paused, blushing furiously,

'You consider me family?' I swear I might've died right then and there.

'Of course… I love you.' He replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I relaxed and rested my head on his chest,

'I love you too... even though everyone else would think its wrong,' I sighed happily, 'I don't care… this is just perfection…' I felt him move and he sat up, facing me. Hesitantly, he kissed me and, as it got more passionate, he tangled his hand in my hair, the other holding my waist firmly. It was going to happen, I realised. This was it, no distractions, no stupid common sense to kick in and kill the moment. We were going to go the whole way. He pulled away for a moment to check the corridor for anyone who might walk in on us and then he locked the door, returning to me. Clothes were discarded in the corner and he proved how much he really did love me.

Sadly, we couldn't share the moments after for very long because I had a lesson to go to and he told me that this time he couldn't excuse me from it, despite me pleading. I took a quick shower, dressed and tied my wet hair into a tight ponytail, having no time to hurry to my room and dry it. I kissed Dimitri goodbye and ran to Stan's class. He folded his arms at my lateness but shrugged it off soon after, expecting no less from me. My mind drifted back to the notes he wrote in my file, key words being _'insolent'_, _'disrespectful'_ and _'uncontrollable'_. Oh, I could be controlled alright, just not by him, I grinned.

'Today we'll be joining with the moroi classes,' Stan droned, 'We will be having an incredibly gracious visit from a well-known and respected guardian. I hope you'll all show her the respect she deserves.' Two good things there: Lissa and I would be watching it together _and _there was going to be a female guardian, which made a change from all the testosterone that was in the air. I looked forward to a woman coming in and kicking some male guardian's ass, it might prove how not all renowned guardians had to be male. We lined up and walked to the gym, but I left the sad excuse for a line when I saw Lissa. I ran to her and grinned, my spirits up considerably since leaving Dimitri's room,

'Heya!' I called, alerting her to my presence and joining her with her class.

'Hey,' she replied, looking at my hair in confusion, 'wash your hair in the fountain?' she teased. I touched my wet hair, blushing,

'Yeah, I took a quick shower. Practise was cancelled.' I smiled, effortlessly lying. She frowned and my heart beat frantically in my chest. She'd seen something, she'd heard something. She knew and she was going to by so angry at my deception. I stared wide-eyed, expecting the worst.

'You said your shower was broken. That's why you borrowed mine last week, remember?' she wasn't angry, just confused. Thank god.

'Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. The matron came around and finally got the janitor to fix it.' It was sort of true, he said he was going to have a look at it next week, but it was unlikely he'd actually follow through. I could hardly tell her that I showered in my mentor's room, she'd surely guess then. She nodded, accepting that as good reason and we walked to the gym in comfortable silence. I sat down with her and looked at the empty space in front of me. In a few short minutes, the guardian was going to come through and show everyone just how brilliant women can be at this job. I grinned pointedly at Stan, knowing that this guardian, even if she wasn't as famous as everyone was saying she was, would still be a hundred times better than him. I saw Dimitri slip in and join the other guardians at the back of the room. He didn't look at me, though I knew he was aware of my presence, just as I was of his.

The room was silent as she entered, followed by two guardians flanking her. I looked up, grinning expectantly as Lissa gasped. She must've recognised her; clearly, this woman was a real professional. However, when my eyes fell on her familiar brown eyes, I gasped too.

'Hello everyone, my name is Guardian Janine Hathaway and I am your guest speaker.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Sorry for the less-than-prompt update, but I had an abnormal amount of work to do all of a sudden. Hope you like!**

**BelikovsRoza1697**

Chapter Two

I couldn't believe it. Why did my mother have to be here? She wasn't a professional; she was just an irresponsible mother. Suddenly all my excitement had disappeared and I was left with nothing but dislike for the woman who was my mother when she felt like it, but a guardian for the rest of the time. As her eyes flitted across the crowd, showing expert guardian finesse, our eyes met and to my surprise, she half-smiled. It was a formality, I assured myself. She never showed her emotions, not even to her own daughter. She sat down in the seat provided for her and began,

'The questions and answers session will happen later. For now, I want to tell you the reality of living as a guardian.' I looked around at my classmates, all staring agog. I really couldn't understand how she managed to have such an impact on them. It was ridiculous really, if only they knew what it was like to be her daughter. If they knew what it was like to be raised by a school rather than your own parents. I cast my mind back to my first day at school when I was the only kid there who knew every guardian and teacher's name. I was, after all, the only kid who had lived there since birth.

'I was assigned to Lord Nicholas Szelsky three years ago, but before that, I was just a simple graduate like you all. I was called to pair up and protect high priority moroi, but that was on a good day. Usually, I spent all day searching up available moroi or begging the royal court to let me go on ward patrol.' She looked at the audience and smiled; everyone responded with a laugh, except me. I looked to Lissa, who was torn between laughing with the others and making me feel better by slamming her too. She stifled a laugh and smiled with everyone else and I kept my ire to myself. It wasn't her fault; she didn't know my mother like I did. Nobody knew my mother like I did.

'However, I was once asked to join a search party for the rescue of Princess Badica and her children from a strigoi camp. I'm sure you'll all remember it from the news, around six years ago.' Everyone nodded in agreement and I heard hushed whisperings about how awesome it was that they met someone who actually went there. I suddenly felt a sinking feeling in my stomach about how little I actually knew about this woman. I never knew she went on that infamous trip.

'I was in a group of around thirty guardians. We were all the best in our class, we all graduated top. Yet everyone but myself and two other men survived. These are the realities of guardianship; it's never fun and games. I was not to know this at the tender age of 25. But I do now and I hope I can pre-warn you before you ever enter a place as infamous as the Badica massacre.' She looked to her audience and began, everyone was captivated, even me, though very loosely.

'It was a cold December night; I remember it because flakes of snow had begun to fall from the sky. The thirty of us had received a tip off from a witness that strigoi were holding the Princess Badica and her three children. She had been missing for a good month and everyone had given up hope. We later discovered the strigoi had kept them alive to have a continuous blood source and also to scare the moroi into surrendering. This was an incredibly flawed plan, but the strigoi were blinded by bloodlust and their actions were thoughtless. Princess Badica was well-loved and her children were popular; this is likely why they were the targets.

'We entered the building, which was a large brick-laid block with no windows and thick metal doors to block out the light during the day. After staking three exiting strigoi who were off to hunt, we gained access and proceeded to silently search the rooms. We had split up into groups of three and as there were so many of us, we managed to locate the princess very quickly and rejoin the group after communicating our discovery to the other groups. However, once I found the princess, I realised that she was long dead. The stench from the room was awful, although I was grateful that she had been drained, rather than the more painful throat slashing that was common in those days with strigoi. Her children all lay beside her, having been asphyxiated and drained whilst asleep. It was truly an awful sight and I am glad that the mists of time have clouded my memory of it.

'As my companion radioed in another group, we were attacked by a strigoi who had heard voices and come to investigate. He was a newborn and as such, was very clumsy and easily killed. We had yet received no reply from the other groups, despite trying every channel. We searched the rooms and found every one vanished. Now we know that they had been kidnapped and drained quickly, before being cast out into the night by strigoi still in the building, but then, we were extremely confused. However, once we made our way out, we saw the bodies lying scattered on the ground, already covered with a light dusting of snow.' She had looked down in reverence but now she stood up and looked at the crowd with sharp eyes.

'Being a guardian is _hard._ Its non stop fighting and working and I promise you: you _will _get tired. You _will _falter and perhaps you will fail. But I can guarantee that in the process of your working to rid the world of strigoi, you will save countless lives.' She concluded and Stan shot up and began to clap vigorously, followed hesitantly by everyone else. I stood too, surprising myself by clapping with the others. Lissa smiled encouragingly.

After a few moments of loud applause, she spoke up again,

'Okay, now we'll start the questions. Fire away.' She smiled as many hands shot up into the air, including my own. She kept her smile level, but I knew she was mightily confused by my actions. Relying on her curiosity, I was pleased to see her pick me.

'Guardian Hathaway, I just wanted to ask why your name was never mentioned on all the news reports when the unfortunate Badica massacre occurred. They would surely have mentioned your name, seeing as you were semi-famous then.' I smiled charmingly, knowing I'd hit home and proved her as a fake to my friends.

'I can easily explain that. I asked the media to refrain from using both mine and my compatriots' names as one of them was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and hearing the names of any of us only made his condition worse. I had no wish to disrupt his life further.' She retorted, amid gasps of awe at her selflessness. I gaped at her, she'd outsmarted me. She smiled politely and answered the next novice's question.

At the end of the hour, I waited for the other novices to leave, before walking up to my mother and confronting her.

'Hello Rose, I haven't seen you in a while.' She remarked, seeing me approach. I forced a smile,

'Well that's hardly my fault. I do, after all, live here. Maybe you'd forgotten?' I folded my arms. She didn't reply for a few moments, looking around at the empty gym.

'You know I've got a busy schedule, you should've called me or something if you wanted me back.' She shrugged helplessly. The annoying thing was that she genuinely thought I was angry because I missed her. Some part of me reminded me that I did miss her a little bit. She was my mother; it was understandable that I might miss her, even if it was a miniscule amount.

'I didn't miss you!' I exclaimed but it sounded childish and even I noticed a degree of whining in my words. I paused and reconsidered, 'I didn't even think about you whilst you were gone. I've been living my life as usual. No problems here.' I said bluntly and she sniggered,

'Oh, I see. Sorry to rain on your maturity parade.' I glared, looking down at her to make her feel even smaller than usual. Sadly, she wasn't deterred.

'_You're_ hardly mature; a mature mother would come and visit her daughter to see how her studies were going.'

'I told you, Rose. I'm _busy. _ Being a guardian is tough-'

'It's tough work, yes I know! Stop lecturing me! I'm not another student, mom, I'm your daughter.' I cut her off and she paused, considering her words.

'I had to work to get where I am. It's hard being a female guardian, there's a lot of pressure on you and the slightest mistake means ridicule from all my male colleagues.' I could understand that, although that never happened with me. I was friends with the guys from my classes. There were more boys than girls in the class so it was kind of unavoidable. A lot of girls usually became blood whores. It was easier, paid better money and meant you could stay with your own family rather than live with some new surrogate moroi family.

'I get that, it's just… it'd be nice to see you here to come see me, rather than to talk to the novices. Even the other dhampirs' parents come and see them occasionally.'

'You're 16-' she started again.

'17.'

'… You're 17 now and you have to realise that I'm not gonna be here to see you all the time.' She corrected herself.

'You never come see me.' I pointed out. It was true, even in elementary school, I had to stay with Lissa and her family as my mom never turned up during the holidays.

'Then you should be used to it.' She smiled and pulled her jacket off of her chair, slipping it on.

'_Used_ to it? Keep talking, this is just getting better and better.' I shook my head exasperatedly. I saw her expression: she was getting more and more irked.

'Rose. Let's stop talking about this alright? I have to go.' She began to walk to the doors.

'That's it? You're just going to walk away and pretend that this isn't happening? You really are a crap excuse for a parent.' I shouted after her. She stopped walking and for a brief moment, I thought she was going to reconsider, run over, apologise and hug me. Everything would be perfect and we could talk it through and make things better. Instead, she turned sharply and glared,

'If you wanted your mommy to hold your hand while you stake practise dummies, you could've just asked.' She walked out, leaving me speechless. I hated her so much right then. I felt traitor tears run down my flushed cheeks. She'd made me feel like a child, once again. I didn't need her; I didn't need anyone to hold my hand.

I made my way out of the hall, hastily rubbing at my cheeks and eyes to clear the tears. I vaguely heard someone calling my name behind me, but I just had to go to my room. I had been so happy entering that hall and now I was broken. All because of one woman.

_~~Fading~~_

The next morning I spent about ten minutes ignorant of what had happened yesterday. Whilst I brushed my hair, it suddenly flooded back and my happy expression disappeared. I'd have to try and keep it together for Dimitri, he didn't know what had happened yet and I'd have preferred that he not ask too many questions.

I walked to the gym and opened the door, peering in. There were six practise dummies standing neatly in the middle of the room. A figure moved in front of my view and I looked up,

'I'm early today.' I grinned, achieving a half-smile from my mentor, who walked away to let me in.

'Good thing too, I think you'll enjoy this lesson.' He produced his stake from his pocket and held it out to me. At first I was hesitant, thinking he'd snatch it back if I tried to take it. I narrowed my eyes,

'Really? We're going to practise staking?' He nodded and took my hand, gently depositing the stake there. His touch made a rush of electricity run through my fingertips and I gasped quietly. He laughed and pulled away.

'Go on. Try it out.' I nodded and walked along the row, looking at each dummy. They each had wigs and different clothes on and this was meant to make them look more realistic. All of them were put at different heights too, to demonstrate the variation in your opponent's build. This was pretty good for a challenge. I walked over to one a little shorter than myself with cropped red hair. It reminded me so much of my mother that the hate I felt yesterday rose up inside of me and clawed at my insides. I clenched my fists and drove the stake right through its chest. Once I'd done it, I did it again, the power in my strike was strong but my aim was pretty bad. In the dummy's chest, made of thin cloth, there were small cuts littered around. I raised my arm to pierce the material again, when a hand shot out and held my arm where it was.

'Stop…' a gentle voice whispered in my ear. His warm breath and comforting words allowed me to relax my hold on the stake and he swiftly took it back, letting me go. I sighed, covering my eyes with my hands. I didn't need anyone, my mother was wrong. She didn't know a thing about me. I wasn't like her, I couldn't be controlled or read like a book. I wasn't some robot, without emotion and never-ending. A few moments passed as I let out a shaky breath and my hands were taken from my face and held in Dimitri's. I looked up at him, blinking to clear the blurry vision tears had caused me.

'Tell me what's wrong.' He whispered, wiping away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. I closed my eyes to compose my thoughts and looked up.

'Nothing's wrong.' I sighed. Suddenly, he pulled me away from the dummies, thrusting me into a chair nearby and sitting opposite me.

'That's a lie. Tell me the truth, you know you can trust me.'

'I hate my mother.' I replied bluntly, swallowing my tears.

'I doubt that'd make you cry. My understanding was that you had a pretty bad relationship with her before she came here.' I nodded,

'Yeah, it's never been good…' I paused, looking up at him. He was silent, expecting me to carry on, 'She said she's too busy to come see me, but I know it's just because she forgets. She doesn't give a damn about me and she's lying to make up for it.'

'And how do you feel when you actually talk to her?' he asked, folding his arms and leaning back so that he was closer to my eye level. I frowned, thinking it an odd question.

'Um, infuriated? Crazy? Intimidated? I could make you a list, Comrade.' I sighed, figuring he wasn't quite getting my point. He paused and then spoke in a softer tone,

'Do you not feel even the slightest bit glad to see her? Even if it is very deep down?' I was about to protest how I didn't feel that at all, but I couldn't find the words. I thought about it some more. When I saw she was the guest speaker, sure, I was annoyed about it, but even a little part of me jumped for joy at the opportunity of seeing her again. I hadn't seen her in a very long time and from time to time, I did occasionally wonder how she was, what she was doing, if she missed me. Usually, the snarky side of me dismissed those concerns as stupid because _obviously_ she didn't miss me. If she did, she'd be here a lot more and for the reason of seeing her daughter, not to do some stupid lecture on her famous life as a guardian.

'… When I saw her… I was happy… but only for a short time. Then the memories of her not being around when I was a kid resurfaced.' I sighed.

'That's what I thought.' He smiled knowingly and leaned closer, taking both my hands. The rush of electricity through my veins was becoming more and more addictive, 'You don't hate your mother. You just hate the situation that fate has put you in. You hate that she's not around, you hate that she didn't bring you up when you were younger.' His face became pensive as he continued, 'When my father started abusing my sisters, I thought that I was angry at my mother for not doing anything, not protecting us from him. But she was, she was always trying to protect us, I just didn't always see it. I was actually angry at my father… I see that now and I hate that I ever thought about my mother like that. Don't make the same mistake; I know I feel guilty for it.' I paused, taking in his words. It was true and his warning certainly gave me a lot to ponder. I knew she'd be leaving late tonight, so I had a few hours to plan what I was going to say to her before she left.

Dimitri let me off of practise, knowing I had enough mental strain to deal with, without the addition of learning new techniques. Instead, I made my way to the canteen, spotting Lissa and Christian, sat at a table. I sat beside Lissa, who looked extremely worried. I sensed a mental block from the bond, there was something she was keeping secret and the strain was showing on her delicate features. There was silence after my greeting from her, but Christian good-naturedly smiled and returned the gesture.

'So… how was your first period? What did you have?' I tried to begin a conversation, but apparently it wasn't a good idea. Lissa reacted, hiding her face beneath a curtain of long platinum blonde hair. I saw her face fall and her countenance paled. Christian again, quickly filled in, drawing my attention away from her,

'We had Slavic art. Lissa was sketching out her next drawing, what was it again, darling?' he turned to her, his eyes pleading for her to say something.

'… It was a metaphor, that's all.' She whispered, almost inaudibly. Christian sighed, realising he'd have to explain. I looked up, a smile on my face, trying to appear nonchalant and unwitting to Lissa's depressive mood.

'It was this quivering child in the corner of an empty room and he was cowering from this large looming black shadow… we had to do metaphors for emotions.' I smiled,

'I'd love to see it sometime.' I looked to her, but there was no reply other than a quick nod of her head. I sighed as we lapsed into an uncomfortable and awkward silence again. Knowing it was probably me that was putting her off telling Christian her plight, I stood up to leave,

'I guess I'll leave you to it…' but her arm shot out and grabbed mine, with a weak, but firm for a moroi, hold. She looked up at me, begging me with her eyes to stay. It seemed it was Christian putting her off from telling _me_. I returned to my seat, looking to Christian and smiling charmingly.

'Hey, you couldn't buy us all some coffees, could you, Christian? Lissa's just a bit cold, aren't you?' I turned to her and she nodded hurriedly.

'Brrrr…' she agreed, smiling at him. It didn't comfort him, but he joined the long queue for the tills regardless. I turned to her quickly,

'Right, what's this all about, Liss?' she sighed and looked up at me, her jade green eyes swimming in a pool of confused, pensive and concerned emotions. I hadn't noticed before, but as she turned to face me, I saw her arms were wrapped tightly around her skinny frame. She was wearing an old grey sweatshirt that did nothing to compliment her figure and some worn jeans that she used when she was painting her father's garage almost three years ago. Something was wrong; Lissa always cared about her appearance, especially as she was the poster child for the perfect princess. I'm sure if it was practical, she'd swan around in a long pink ballroom gown. That was just the smiley, happy person she was. Whatever was wrong was something catastrophic, no doubt.

'I'm nine days late for my period…' those words were certainly not what I was expecting. I frowned, was she really worried about something as trivial as that?

'Lissa, that happens to millions of women every month. I really wouldn't get so worried about it.' I laughed, trying to comfort her. It didn't work, she just rolled her eyes and huffed,

'_No_. I think I might be… well… pregnant…'

I stared for a few moments. That occurrence didn't even enter my head; I just didn't worry about those things now, especially as I was in love with a fellow dhampir, who I couldn't have children with anyway. Thank god for nature's contraceptive, I thought. But Dimitri often seemed fond when discussing family, or children. A dark cloud seemed to figuratively appear over my head as I realised that an option I'd never considered before in my life had just become a desire that I could never achieve. I wasn't even able to have children with the man I loved; I had no say, no choice in the matter. But now the thought occurred to me that one day, Lissa was going to approach me with this problem and I would have to face the realisation that she had something that I could never have. Trying to push aside my own sadness, I focused on her problem,

'Are you sure? Did you take a test?'

'Christian's had his eye on me all day; I can't escape to go buy one.' She sighed and stirred the contents of her soup bowl around mindlessly with the spoon.

'I'll go get you one later. I'll bring it to your room, okay?' she nodded.

'I'm guessing Christian doesn't know?' she nodded again, clearly not in the mood for talking.

'No… I just can't. He'll be so weird about it… and I'm sure he'll get angry. I don't want him to be angry… this is just a stupid mistake.' I stopped myself from protesting about how it wasn't a 'stupid mistake' but a miracle she should be grateful for. She was just in a bad mood and I had to hold my tongue for now.

'He won't be like that. I'm pretty sure he'll be over the moon, Lissa. I don't claim to know him very well, but I really can't imagine him blaming you for something like this, which is out of your control anyway. He's gonna be really supportive, I just know it.' I smiled comfortingly and stood. I signalled to Christian that I was done and he returned, holding two cups of coffee, having thrown mine away. As Lissa leaned in and told him the news, I quickly left.

_~~Fading~~_

That night, I watched from my window as the car pulled up to escort my mother home. Already dressed, I ran to the gates, seeing her enter the campus. I waved to her to try and attract her attention and as she moved away from the other guardians, telling them to meet her in the car, I smiled at her, earning a similar gesture back.

'What did you want? If this is another argument, I really hope it can wait…' she sighed, relaxing and losing her guardian mask that Dimitri so often put up to cover his emotions, 'I don't like fighting with you. It's not like I don't like going up against someone who can fight back as good as myself,' she laughed, 'I just don't like having an argument when we have such little time together as it is.' I gasped, the words taken right out of my mouth. Without a reply that could match her words, I simply wrapped my arms around her lightly. I think it was probably the first time we'd ever hugged and we both gasped a little at how unorthodox it felt to us. I assumed it would feel alien, but as I discovered, it actually felt quite good.

The earlier animosity I felt towards Lissa for possibly having something I would really desire, maybe not now, but in later life, disappeared and I realised that my mother had subconsciously solved a problem I was having, without even knowing it.

I pulled back, expecting her to stay longer, but I knew her schedule was tight, as any other popular guardian and she had to get home to relieve her colleague of their shift. Guardians always felt anxious when it wasn't their turn to protect their charge. They'd feel guilty for the death of the moroi even when it wasn't on their shift; Dimitri was exactly this when Ivan died, he wasn't the guardian watching Ivan when he was killed. He still felt guilty even now, years after the event.

'Bye, Rose…' she smiled fondly and got into the car. I stood with the other guardians that accompanied her during her stay, raising my hand in a wave as the car drove off into the sunrise.


End file.
